im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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