Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
