She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i came on her dog
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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