Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I lost the right to judge tonight
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm bleeding and have questions
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
