She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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