I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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