How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize