if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
