I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
