summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
