I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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