So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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