my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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