grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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