that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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