Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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