It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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