Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize