I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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