This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
