Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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