he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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