hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
