i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
