He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
