He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
