My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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