ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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