Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
