I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
