I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
