you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
