and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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