I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I met the friendliest cop last night
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
