how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
