Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
