you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
