I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
