I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
