The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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