I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
