I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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