I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
