Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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