What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
