you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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