Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
