A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
