Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
