Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
