apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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