3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
