so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize