so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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