so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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