Your face is a jimmy john
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
