Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
