this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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