This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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