I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
