Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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