I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
