wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
