That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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