There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
