You can't special order awesome
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
