I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
