I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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