My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
