Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
