i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
