if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
