At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
