:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
