his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
