I'm going to jail i love you
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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