she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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