is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
