There was a lot of him and a little penis
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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