Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize