she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
