GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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