did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
