So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
