Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
