You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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