Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
