I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
