She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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