OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize